1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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