Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
