What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
