There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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