I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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