I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
