I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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