Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
