I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
