i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
