Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
