there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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