my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
