I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
