how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
