is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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