I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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