please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
