With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
