I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
