hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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