Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
