very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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