before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
