the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
