why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize