Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
