fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize