You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
