wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
