I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
