i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
