Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
