You just made me feel so damn special
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
