what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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