Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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