hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
