If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
