Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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