i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
