We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
handjob tips. give me some.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
