someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize