Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize