i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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