highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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