with your own penis?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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