dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Randomize
