woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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