just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
