oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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