I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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