Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
