I think im going to throw up on grandma
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
