these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
