fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
