I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
