The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
