i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
