Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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