No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
