There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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