are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
