Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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