roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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