seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
