screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
