Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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