i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
