I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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