it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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