call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
