just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
time to smoke my breakfast
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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