Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
